As William Ernest Henley put it in his classic Victorian poem, вЂњInvictus,вЂќ вЂњI am the captain of my soul.вЂќ Controlled politeness must govern their every word and expression. They canвЂ™t pat someoneвЂ™s shoulder, offer a hug, clink glasses, or even say вЂњI love you,вЂќ no matter how natural it would seem. Alastair Bruce coaches the actors ofВ Downton Abbey, especially those who play characters who most want to uphold the traditional way of life (including Lady Mary, her grandmother the Dowager Countess of Grantham, and the butler Mr. The British are famously described as having a вЂњstiff upper lip,вЂќ showing no inappropriate bursts of affection or anger. Guests should not come at the opening hour, nor stay until the last moment.Д®ven in casual or unplanned moments, including with friends and family, it was important to keep oneself under control. If she has daughters who have come out in society, they should receive the guests, then mingle with them вЂњto help to make the function a success.вЂќ The hostess should be just within the drawing room door to receive the guests.Those who cannot attend should send their cards by mail or messenger to the hostess, timed to arrive during the afternoon tea. The butler then announces them as they enter. Guests should leave their cards in the tray in the hall before entering the drawing room.A footman must meet guests as they arrive at the curb to open their carriage doors, and another should open the front door вЂњthe moment a guest appears at the top step.вЂќ.Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house.Men should wear a long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match gray trousers white linen light tie silk hat gray gloves patent leather shoes.Cards must be issued as invitations three weeks in advance.

Take a look at this list taken from instructions for giving a formal afternoon tea in 1904-it just scratches the surface of expectations and norms for this period. The order in which servants sat at their own downstairs dining room table reflected this microcosm of the class system.ДЄn afternoon tea outdoors, imageВ viaВ Code of the Gentleman.ДЄll social interactions, formal or informal, were occasions that required a complex set of rules to govern behavior. The under cook was considered an apprentice to the chef, while the kitchen maids were only assistants. The first footman served the meat, for example, the choicest course while the second footman served a minor sauce or side. Even among one group of servants you would have minor differences. Then came the cook, valets, ladiesвЂ™ maids, and footmen last of all were the parlor maids, laundry maids, kitchen maids, dishwashers, and stable grooms. The butler and housekeeper were at the head of this group in terms of dignity, authority and earnings. A unique set of rules also governed a hierarchy within the servant class itself. That would be, as the English say, tiresome.Д®tiquette wasnвЂ™t just reserved for the relationship between servant and master.

The servants didВ everythingВ for their masters, and if thanks were given, it would be necessary to say them at least sixty times a day. Notice how the Crawleys and their aristocratic peers never say, вЂњOh, thank you!вЂќ to the servants when they bring a cup of tea, lace up a corset, or open a door? This isnвЂ™t ungratefulness, however, but simply a matter of practicality, explains Alastair Bruce inВ The Manners of Downton Abbey. However necessary the footmen and other servants may have been, they were never, however, thanked. A tall or particularly good-looking footman would even earn a higher salary than the other members of the household staff. Nearly always well-dressed young men, the footmen represented crisp formality and quiet grandeur on behalf of the entire estate. The footmen were like the peacocks of an Edwardian country house, impressive to look at and always on display, whether greeting guests at the doorstep or serving them in the dining room. Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey, in a tone that brooks no argument. вЂњYou are a footman, and a footman wears gloves,вЂќ says Mr.

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